Pirate Programmer Pickup Line

What did the Pirate Programmer say to his code girl?

{
You had me at public static void main(String[] arrrrrrrrrrgs){

Mysql

Today I posted the following on a friend's Facebook status:

Mysql can out query Yoursql.

I can hear the groans. :-/

Binary Nerdism!!!!

This is the what happens when you let kids run a muck amongst binary code conversion sites.

HP Online Help

So a couple of years ago the IT guy at my job and I decided that we wanted to mess around with the HP Online Help. We played dumb with the whole can you remotely upgrade my computer and what do I do with the old ram. We had a good laugh that day.

For your viewing pleasure, I bring you HP Online Help

Aj/: I have a question
Syd: Welcome to HP Total Care for Pavilion Notebooks. My name is Syd. How may I assist you today?
Syd: Sure,please go ahead.
Aj/: how much memory service tag dv6205us should have
Aj/: can you check that for me
Syd: Could you please elaborate the issue?
Aj/: I bought the dv6000 with vista and it runs slower than a dead turtle trying to cross the road, is this normal, how much memory should it have come with?????
Syd: Thank you for the details.
Syd: Let me help you in this regard.
Aj/: when i bought my laptop, I thought it was 1 gig, when I check it's only 512, can you check the service tag, dv6205us
Syd: Sure.
Syd: Could you please give me few minutes while I pull up the information?
Aj/: yes
Syd: Thank you.
Syd: Thank you for your time and patience.
Syd: Aj/, I have checked the details for you.
Syd: The notebook is shipped with 512MB RAM.
Aj/: thank you
Syd: You can upgrade
Syd: the RAM to a maximum of 2GB.
Aj/: how do I do that ?
Syd: Let me help you with this.
Aj/: can you do it remotly ?
Syd: Aj/,the RAm are modules that are located inside the notebook and have to removed and erseated manually.
Syd: *reseated.
Aj/: can I buy a 1.5 MG RAM ?
Syd: Yes you can buy two 1 GB RAM slots and install it in the notebook
Syd: so that the notebook will have 2 GB RAM.
Aj/: what do I do with the 512 that I currently have
Syd: You can use it as a spare when any of the module fails.
Aj/: how often do they fail ?
Syd: HP recommends to use the RAM modules from HP as they are specifically made for HP notebooks and are tested and made available.
Aj/: do you have a weblink
Syd: If you are interested in buying it, I can arrange a call for you.
Syd: A 1 GB RAM module will cost $179.
Aj/: I am not ready to purchase yet, just thought I would see if you had a link I could reference when I have more time.
Syd: Sure.
Syd: Here is the link for the site.
Syd: http://www.shopping.hp.com/webapp/shopping/search/search_request.do;HHOJSID=Wn7LG5Gp0G2hry2NjpL6DPLhX5mGVZvMbCdjQvkMXpSKXGTPBBHR!736455932?InkToner_Search_Query=&Printer_Search_Query=&Cartridge_Search_Query=&printerOrCartridgeSearch=&Search_Query=EE687A&searchSelect=0
Syd: Aj/, I would also like to provide you another option in this regard.
Syd: Vista has a new feature which uses a a flah drive as a RAM.So you can use as big as 4 GB drive as a RAM.
Syd: This will be more economical than purchasing the memory modules.
Aj/: Thank You for your assistance
Syd: You are welcome.
Syd: I would lalso
Syd: like to provide you the link
Syd: which will help you increase the systems performance
Syd: Iam also providing you the link which will help you increase the system's performance:
Syd: http://h10025.www1.hp.com/ewfrf/wc/genericDocument?docname=c00816938&cc=us&dlc=en&lc=en&jumpid=reg_R1002_USEN
Syd: Please do not click on the link. Instead Copy and paste the entire link onto the address bar of your browser and press Enter.

Parking Lot

I love the term parking lot and I often try to sneak it into my conversations in class. The term means to sideline someones train of thought or suggestion because it's really not on topic but it's something to remember.

"Don't make me parking lot you!" Yes, I say this and yes it's only funny to me.

Twitter Bio's

Collection of Twitter Bio's. To be updated as I find them.


@cecilgene

• Bio Full frontal nerdity

@BobbiDigital

• Bio All Dork, all day

@jkantarek

• Bio me =((nerd && geek)||engineer && !(dork||freak||spaz) && is(>> normal))

Twitter Bio's

I think I'm going to start posting Twitter bio's that are funny in a programming/nerdy way. I've seen several that use code to describe themselves.

Unfortunately I can't remember who has these cool bio's, I guess I'll have to post them as I find them.

I will leave you with this one, no code, just like it.

@BobbiDigital

• Bio All Dork, all day

Migration Season

I was thinking today that maybe I should expand my topics that I post about on my blog. I have been focusing on programming nerdy posts but now I think I will migrate into posting about anything related to Business Analyst. If you are unsure of what a Business Analyst does or you THINK you know, you should google it 'cause you might be surprised.

Leica is like...

Last night I was with a group of people and I had my camera out. I mentioned that my Leica is my baby and the person on my left didn't know what a Leica was. Well early in the evening he had mentioned that he was a programmer. I now know that if you can compare anything using programming terms it will instantly be understood, otherwise forgetaboutit, it's not going to compile.

classes

stratodavius: Guy grabs a girl's chest in a Java course. She says: "That's private." He says: "I thought we were in the same class!"

IceTea wins a Nobel Peace Prize, not really!

Aj,

Finished four COMPLETE boxes of Kleenex last night whilst watching back to back to back L&O episodes on TNT and USA and wherever else I could find it.

\jm
___________________________________________________________________________________
\jm

I love L&O, although there really is only so much bad acting one can take from IceTea.

\aj

___________________________________________________________________________________
Have you ever seen Ice Tea's wife -- she has had EVERY kind of implant -- breasts, butt, etc. Hilarious -- she looks like a cross between a cartoon character and a 12 year old boy from Iowa's dream girl.

\jm

_________________________________________________________________________________
Aj,

Can you imagine, but some weird twist of fate that IceTea wins a Nobel prize. He has to drag what looks like a porn star up on the podium with him to receive it.

Ugh.

\jm

Codegirl

This isn't an ism, not a Milberyism or a non-Milberyism but it bodes well with our geeky side.

This is from the Best of Craigslist and worth sharing ~ http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/846606372.html

Please discipline codegirl and make her code very difficult AJAX

---

Date: 2008-09-18, 10:51PM PDT


I have needs at work like all of us girls do. For me, I don't want to be a girl dropped into the coding pit to be awed and then broken by Senior PHP engineers wielding grim and terrible caching weapons. Rails engineers by the thousands marching, marching against everyone, on every border while I draw well water shot through with ponderings of the scalability issues with PHP, and how for form to exist in our physical universe it must be have a name. If matter or a form cannot be named, it cannot exist.

I don't want to fight sexy ATG boys about AJAX performance within droplets, I don't want to bicker in the morning concerning why JQuery is the proper and correct framework, all the time everytime. It's ok. I love you guys. I do. I worship you Warcraft playing, contract working, hordes of luscious web men. I know what you love. I want to be there for you.

I will code the HTML you don't want to. It's ok. I don't mind. I like it. I will code it handcuffed if you want. It's ok. If I'm too slow, or if you check and my adhering to standards is inappropriate or my fumbling, adolescent understanding of the finer point of JSON infuriate you, you can tear my stockings. They were expensive, and I bought them for work. They were my only pair. I am a humble code girl.

Do you need me to do the Apache configs? Ok. I will. I will do anything. I will wear backseam black stockings and rack servers for you. I will wear long skirts and ballet flats and sit close to you and put Arby's sauce on your Roast Beef. I will eat what you order for me.

What makes codegirl the most happy is working in the service of many codeboys at once. A studio full of codeboys are always in need of support to keep them at their best. You need fruit. You need soda. You need me to cook for codeboys each day for lunch Naked.

I want to learn lots about coding. I secretly want to overtake codeboys and steal their knowledge, but the deep training and sensitivity of codeboys make it impossible to deceive them. They know. So, I must answer phones at times, or take care of office chores. They know I don't like it. I do a good job, but they must discipline me to make me strong.

Codegirl can come to your office.

1 reason why I have been banned from Java Jokes and jokes in general.

\jm

After class today I went up to \bi and \eg and as usual I was Java Joking around when I came up with the following.

kick.rightNode && kick.leftNode == noChildren

\aj

Old Random Bad Java Humor, or attempt at it.

\jm,

I bet your girl told you that you couldn't hang out with other girls instantiating code.

\aj
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\aj,

As long as I don't implement any other interfaces she usually doesn't throw an exception ;o)

\jm
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\jm,

hahahaha

I have no good reply right now, my stack is empty.

\aj
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

return unnecessaryJavaJokesHelper( badJavaJoke, groanString );
// I'm using recursion, \jm...

\eg
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In all honesty, our relationship is going through a rough patch - but things have been better since we started going to a debugger.

\jm
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\jm

Just make sure you use a wrapper to catch your StackOverFlowException so that you don’t end up with a child.node

\er
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

my badcompiler!

\aj
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\jm,

You should think of implementing swing, might spice things up...

\eg
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\jm

unless you have kick.leftNode && kick.rightNode, then you will not have any child.node

\aj
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\aj

But swing requires some 3rd party libraries.

\jm
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The problem with third party libraries is you don’t know what sorts of bugs you will get. Not unless they have been thoroughly tested.

\er
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
\er,

That wrapper you mentioned should help!

\eg
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You all need to get your heads out of the queue

\aj
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\er,

You said it. No matter how hot her attributes are she might have picked up some nasty private methods from some other developer.

\jm
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\aj,

I think that our combined Java-humor is JUnitTesting eg/bi/er's patience.

\jm

Politico

\jm,

I'm a little distraught today. Yesterday too. The day before especially. I'm a simple man, with simple desires. The world is in peril. At least our world is.

I've now watched two Presidential debates and a VP one. I am very dishearten by both candidates this time, as I have been for a couple of elections now. I know that neither candidate will be effective, although I feel one will be more than the other, but still.

At this point I jokingly think I can do better than them at running our country. Not really of course, but still.

Do you have any advice or words of wisdom for me to help me thought these politically tough times? Considering our tanking economy, horrendous foreign policies, crumbling educational system, etc...

I am looking to learn everything I can about the political machine. At least within seven years.

Thanks,

\eg

Note: not everyone is open to sharing views or whatever and I will understand if you choose not to discuss this. Though, lately, most people haven't minded.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\jm's response to \eg

All that I can offer as a response is as follows:

Good evening, Otto. This is Agent Rogersz. I'm going to ask you a few questions. Since time is short and you may lie, I'm going to have to torture you. But I want you to know, it isn't personal.

- Repo Man

Duke: The lights are growing dim Otto. I know a life of crime has led me to this sorry fate, and yet, I blame society. Society made me what I am.
Otto: That's bullshit. You're a white suburban punk just like me.
Duke: Yeah, but it still hurts.
Debbi: Duke, let's go do some crimes.
Duke: Yeah. Let's go get sushi and not pay.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\jm's response to \aj
Aj -- that was a very Sarah Palin sentence.

The Clock

I sent the following email, names have been taken out, to Milbery. Read the bottom for his response.

Staff

So that we are all on the same page in regards to arrival time to work and going home. I ask that you all synchronize your timing mechanism today (cell phone, watch, IPOD etc,) to the clock that is located in the RO office outside my desk. The time that is displayed on this specific clock will be the only time that I will use to determine when you arrive to work and when you go home.

I again want to stress to you the importance of arriving to work on time and being ready to work at your designated start times. This means as an example: If you are to arrive to work at 8:45am I expect you sitting at your desk ready to answer a call or to respond to a RO matter at 8:45am.

If for any reason you are running late call me at my desk (leave a message if I do not answer) and advise me.

If you have any questions regarding my expectations in this matter, please advise.

Here's the Milberyism -

Aj:

Pretty hilarious – right out of Dilbert. Nothing fosters empowerment like micro-management.

I betchya if the clock has an IP address that you could get \eg to hack in and wreak HAVOC with the time.

My bosses require me to synchronize my clock with “Morris Day and the Time” – OhWee OhWee Oh.

\jm

non-milberyism

Sometimes it's good to throw something new into the mix. Here is a non-milberyism. This is from a friend of Milbery and me.

I used to do a little HTML in college. It's a gateway code for designer codes like PHP and Ruby.

\eg

FYI: \eg thinks that if anyone wants to know the rules of this blog that they should refer to a previous posting: http://tinyurl.com/3zeyz3

CraigsMonsterMatch.com

CraigsMonsterMatch.com

You can find an apartment, job and spouse all on one great web site -- and it will be self-balancing.

Let's say that you find a great guy/gal on the site -- you immediately get downgraded on the job/apartment lists.
Great apartment -- downgraded on the job/match side, etc. That way, everyone is at least a LITTLE happy.

It's a winnah.

\jm

You like what you like

You like what you like -- I would not try to attach any moral significance to what type of man appeals to you. Sean Penn has to face the fact that he was once married to Madonna.

\jm

ibid club

First rule of ibid club- don't talk about ibid club.

Second rule of ibid club? Ibid

\jm